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I am having a suck day
I have a ton of stories and prompts to do and I'm not doing any of them. My laziness is making me hate myself a whole lot. Also I want to be in fandom again because I love fandom, but I feel like I just can't do it. I like shows and stuff, but I am worried I will fuck the characters up or whatever, and that people will hate me, and even if I get over that, I just don't click with anything. I have no burning desire to fanfic what I'm watching or reading. And it sucks because it makes it hard for me to meet new people, and to enjoy shows and books with people, and nobody reads original fiction [/brat] and also I just feel like I can't fucking finish anything and I am really unmotivated and UGH. My life does not revolve around reviews, but I have trouble finishing things anyway. I feel like I am the only one who cares about the story(even though that's not really true). I have like three stories to do and a ton of prompts and while I love them I just can't finish. I guess I had deadlines and motivation while I was in fandom. Now that I don't, I'm a lazy fucking bum.
Basically how this makes me feel is: I am never going to be able to do this for a living because I apparently can't write without an audience. So that makes me feel like I don't do it for ~the love of the craft~ or whatever. I was not aware of this before and it makes me feel kind of like a trashy attention whore. I like writing, wouldn't be doing it if I hated it, but I dunno. I think you're supposed to just want to do it for the sake of doing it and it doesn't matter if anyone likes it? Or something.
Also my NaNo plot is tenuous and I'm never going to get into a good college and I don't have my senior year schedule yet so I'm worried I didn't get into creative writing. And I don't have a topic for my college essay.
I ran around the playground today pretending to be Sloth after dying and being transmuted to life by my friend. So the day wasn't like a total wash.
Also, feel free to tell me to get off my ass as opposed to providing sympathy.
Basically how this makes me feel is: I am never going to be able to do this for a living because I apparently can't write without an audience. So that makes me feel like I don't do it for ~the love of the craft~ or whatever. I was not aware of this before and it makes me feel kind of like a trashy attention whore. I like writing, wouldn't be doing it if I hated it, but I dunno. I think you're supposed to just want to do it for the sake of doing it and it doesn't matter if anyone likes it? Or something.
Also my NaNo plot is tenuous and I'm never going to get into a good college and I don't have my senior year schedule yet so I'm worried I didn't get into creative writing. And I don't have a topic for my college essay.
I ran around the playground today pretending to be Sloth after dying and being transmuted to life by my friend. So the day wasn't like a total wash.
Also, feel free to tell me to get off my ass as opposed to providing sympathy.